eyeball

I am still alive, although barely. Spring Break is in 6 days. Where is the time going, where is life going? More on this & related thoughts later.

Back at school, first day of classes tomorrow.

This semester:
Bio 113
Psy 161 (Social Psych & Individual Differences)
Psy 280 (Clinical Psych)
Psy 309 (Honors Seminar)
Psy 396 (Research in Self-Determination Theory)
Mur 153 (Symph Orch)

Textbooks are so expensive. $350 for 2 textbooks...I mean...really. Fucking science classes. Now that I'm 21 I want to stay away from being reclusive, but by looking at/thinking about the above list, I am pretty sure that reclusive is exactly what I will be.

I have been alive for 21 years.

Radiohead has announced the cities that will be on the North American leg of their upcoming tour.

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2008/01/radiohead_annou.html

I am so excited. I can't wait for the dates.

We sit here trying, we can never explain ourselves yet we never stop. Surely I will be unable to sleep, surely I will lie here tear my skin grab the covers pull the covers over my head force my eyes closed, unable to find peace and dreaming of distant worlds, wake up expecting every bit of this madness. I reach out but we never touch

My Top Albums of '07 (in no specific order, really):
Radiohead - In Rainbows
Beirut - The Flying Club Cup
Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
Interpol - Our Love to Admire
Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna Are You the Destroyer?
Dan Deacon - Spiderman of the Rings
Panda Bear - Person Pitch
LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
Justice - [Cross]
Matt Pond PA - Last Light

There are some others but those are the albums that stand out to me. Quite a variety of music there.
So. 2007.
Well it was definitely better than 2006 was, I'm happy to say. Some good things happened, such as me figuring out what I want to do with my life [somewhat] and getting back on the right track. Getting rid of 'friends' who negatively affected my life, strengthening friendships that matter to me, gaining a sense of who I really am. I also became somewhat antisocial to a certain degree, but since November I've felt that feeling disappearing. All in all, I must say that 2007 was a good year but I'm going to make 2008 even better. Happy New Year.

3 midterms over, and calc is next week. That should be absolutely insane; thinking about it makes me shudder over and over again. This weekend is Meliora Weekend, meaning I'll see my parents because they're coming up for the orchestra concert on Saturday.
Anything eventful? Hmmm, well the new Radiohead album, 'In Rainbows' is absolutely fabulous and I can't stop listening to it. Devin and I had a listening party (translation: layed outside of Towers and listened to the album for 2 hours with another boy who showed up; an interesting boy with quite wonderful taste in music and pretty much just adorable in general). Friday we all went to Boulder to hear this guy Paleo, who basically blew our minds - Devin and I bought CD's since we're advocates of the whole starving artist deal and he was a true talent. You should check him out - he took on this project, where he wrote a song everyday for an entire year. Yeah, he has an album of 365 songs and it's pretty damn impressive. Thanks, David Osit, for recommending him.
Other than that, I can't wait to get a house and live with people who interest and inspire me...soon, I hope.

New Radiohead album. FINALLY. October 10, 2007. SO FREAKIN SOON!!

pre-order the godly creation here:
http://www.inrainbows.com/Store/index3.html

the box set comes with a bunch of stuff, so it's around 80 bucks. But if you don't have the money now, you could pre-order the digital version that you can download on October 10th for the price of....you choose! Yep, you get to pick how much you want to pay for it.

So basically......I can't wait until October 10.

Back at Rochester...I can't believe I'm a junior already. INSANITY. The suite is nice; it just feels so good to be out of GLC. What a terrible place; I shudder at the mere thought of ever stepping foot in that building again.

-yesterday was my last day of work, i'm both sad and happy about this
-awkward moments
-i move back into school next friday
-i have done nothing to prepare for this
-i should probably make a list.
-all i really want to do is chop my hair off, it's becoming extremely difficult to think about anything else
-this weekend i'm playing at esther's sister's wedding

that is all, really. i want it to be the fall and chilly and cuddling weather.

-I got new drawing pens yesterday (!)
-I work too much, but it's good
-I always have things to say but then I get really lazy
-I am obsessed with blazers

that's all the excitement for now! do try and control yourselves.

In the process of cleaning out my bathroom cupboard, i have come across:

-12 tubes of lipgloss
-10 headbands
-5 necklaces
-4 pairs of earrings
-10 bottles of unfinished shampoo
-so much more random shit
-a bullet

.........erm. yeah, a BULLET. thanks, greg white. I hope it's okay to still use lipgloss from 2000/2001, I just hope I don't get some sort of awkward growth on my lips. That would kind of ruin the fun, dontchya think?
In other news, I have been working 9-5 (although tomorrow starts my first full week of 40 hours, yikes!) and doing whatever it takes to avoid dealing with the things I really should be taking care of. life storyyy

Happy 4th! although it's raining and terrible outside, it feels appropriate for my mood. i know, i know, i'm always tired. But hey please let there be fireworks! :-O
So I started work on Monday (well, paid training for 2 days) and I start the actual project tomorrow. The people I work with are pretty friendly, which is comforting because I was scared it would be the total opposite. I'm the youngest one there, most of the people I trained with are married with kids, but there are a couple of other students that go to UB and such. It should be an okay job; I'm just glad I'm finally making some money.
Even though I really don't want to go outside in this weather, I'm going to go buy some art supplies because that seems to be the new thing that I do now. Strange? Last weekend I randomly started painting in my journal, granted I suck, but it's something that is suddenly very soothing to me. I think I just need a new creative outlet, I have so many ideas, my head is exploding with them. 58 days of summer vacation left.

When I finally move out, finish college and get my own apartment( this ) will give me all the company that I need.

just look at that lil face! I mean, really.

So I finally get to start working this Wednesday, thank God. Only 67 days left until it's time to return to Rochester...hopefully it'll go by quickly. ANYWAY.
Boston was nice, our hotel was a fancy schmancy piece of shit, my mom's presentation went well, everything was good. at least I went to the gym 3 out of the 4 days, No major fights either, which is good I guess. look on my photo site if you want to see some pictures, i didn't take too many.
Other than that nothing too interesting is going on, my brother went back to Cornell yesterday, he'll be back in a month. I have been pretty good about working out, but I haven't run since friday and I am trying really hard to make myself go today but so far it has been relatively unsuccessful. I am too tired blahhhh, also the music balance on my laptop is fucked up or something. It's pissing me off.
I miss everybody, I've been so bad about calling people back because there is something terribly wrong with my phone, it is so annoying and I don't know how it happened, like sometimes it is really hard to hear each other. whatever I'm going to go watch laguna beach because I am secretly a 16 year old bimbo k!!

First a few questions:
1) Why is the fuck does there exist a song about lipgloss?
2) Why is the girl who performs this song about lipgloss still alive?
3) Why does my head always hurt?

Now for an update on my life. I have been running in the hopes of getting rid of the weight I gained after I started eating at UR because really, this is unacceptable. I told you I would start! It's been pretty great, really, I listen to upbeat crappy music and Queen and sing really loudly to make the experience more enjoyable, it's been a great success. GREAT SUCCESS. Thank you, Queen. Hopefully it will start to do something sometime soon. Today was father's day and I bought my dad a funny card and presents, I guess they were appreciated but I don't know, I was distracted by my dad obsessing over my brother who did not even say happy father's day, let alone partake in the card/gift giving. I don't get it? But I never will, so every day I try to tell myself to just ignore it and accept that something is just really wrong with everything that goes on in this family, that is that.
I am getting so good at this. Anyway.
We're leaving for Boston Tuesday morning, coming back on Friday night, I'm sure I'll have some interesting stories. I am depressed, but it is kind of just this constant thing that I feel, it's like always there but I never really acknowledge it and then sometimes it just creeps up on me out of nowhere. But I have made so much progress, I'm not crying about it, I don't cry about it, I don't really care, I just kind of accept it now and think that it could be a lot worse. But really who am I kidding; "pretty soon it is going to catch up with you", you say. "Whatever", I say, "I am avoidant and apathetic". I have decided I want school to start, 75 days.

Much to my disappointment, I didn't start work today. So instead I went shopping and purchased father's day presents, sunglasses and nose jewelry, clearly I feel better about myself now. But it is that superficial "better" feeling, the type that you try to convince yourself you are experiencing, the type that occurs when there are serious things going on that you are doing everything to avoid and pretending like your life is under control, which, for the most part mine is, with the exception of that one major thing that I am constantly putting off and digging myself into the world's deepest hole for. It's okay, this is the story of my life, the story of my avoidant self, it's great really. Really.
Anyway, So you think you can dance was on today, and my TV conveniently decided to lose its satellite signal exactly at 8:01 PM, which made me want to cry, it came on about 25 minutes later, thank GOD, i was on the verge of hanging myself. ya know? I have the hugest crushes on Kameron (he has a mohawk and red stars in his hair, and for this I love him) and Lauren, oh how I wish they were a paiirrrr.
Tomorrow I am finally going to force myself to start running, I'm so serious right now. The workout playlist I just finished making is so much better than the one I made last week when I was so serious about forcing myself to start running. But really, it will be good. No, it will probably suck but that is how it is, I am okay with it. I think it would be really great to be one of those super athletic girls, I have decided that if I have a daughter she will start ballet at the age of 2. That way she can be a dancer and learn to appreciate the world of classical music too. I gotta say, I have the solutions to everything but the problems that most directly affect my life. I know, I know.
My chair is vibrating, perhaps I will investigate this abnormality further, perhaps I will just sit here and pretend that I am normal and that it is okay to feel things that don't actually exist? I'll let you know what I decide.

Ok so apparently there was a scheduling problem and now I don't start working until the 27th. I want to cry. I will be a poor depressed whore for the rest of my life. What to do, what to do.
I think I will start riding my bike again. It will be good, I have decided.

Does anybody remember that game because I was the best at it and after I write this post I am going to dig through my shit and find my board, but I'm probably lying. Last night my parents had a decently big party and it was ridiculous and too loud for even me to handle, there was wine, snobs and pervs. That basically sums up my life, don't you think that is perfect? I am so exhausted right now, so so tired. I guess I thought I had important things to write about but it turns out that I don't and I am too lazy to do anything but maybe post some pictures that most likely do not interest you.



Here are some more pictures of my ( silly face )


Other than that, I start work on Wednesday and I'm going to Boston for 4 days next week with my family (my bro is coming home for a week), this should be a lovely little disaster. I really should clean my room now...I can't wait for the next episode of So You Think You Can Dance? because really, it is the best show ever and one of the finalists is from Buffalo, how exciting!

check out this new layout. gemma ward=♥
ambulance_call
(no, i did not spend hours making this, righthand corner = where credit is deserved)

now my life is complete. actually, I'm avoiding going to bed because I've been having nightmares where leatherface from the texas chainsaw massacre is trying to kill me and they've been incredibly annoying/terrifying/as realistic as something like that can get. please spare me your interpretations, i've been there. my nosestud is painfully sinking into my skin, there's nothing that can be done in fear of it closing up again and also, i lost an earring which i am terribly irritated about.
I think organizing jewelry is so fun, so is playing in mud, both of which i did today, quite successfully may I add. 88 days until school, what am I doing counting down? I haven't even started work yet, allllllright. although that does not seem like a lot of days, thank the lord.